Carolyn Clark, on Balance and Boundaries
Balancing work (or school) and personal life can be a challenge many people face on a regular basis. Women in particular have a tough time with this, as they place value in so many different aspects of their lives from job or school assignments, household duties, relationships; the list can go on.
Carolyn Clark, Director of Communications at Yahoo, came to speak with our class last week about communication strategy and message development on social media. Although she also spoke a lot about approaching jobs, monetary issues starting out, etc., creating a balanced environment with realistic--but not resentful--boundaries is key to success.
As you may know due to a recent blog post, I have been reading "Nice Girls (Still) Don't Get the Corner Office" by Dr. Louis P. Frankel. The book is a revised and updated version of her previous edition a decade ago, outlining Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers. Read more in my last blog here on a preface and the Self-Assessment, and I encourage all of you to read this book at some point. After listening to what Carolyn spoke about with balance and setting boundaries, I noticed a few parallels that I think are noteworthy between her thoughts and the thoughts Frankel outlines in her call to women:
1. You don't have to do it all. It's OK not to say "Yes!" every now and then. No one expects you to, and you may be given more than you can handle if you pretend you're OK with that. This doesn't mean you can't have aspirations--reach for the stars, girl!--but there is a difference between aspiring to become CEO while also being a great mom and the contrary of barely keeping up with your kids because you are left in the office doing grunt work in attempt to impress your boss (or professor or coworker or whoever). As Frankel advises, use positive self-talk to replace feeling guilty about saying no. Instead she says to try and say something like, "I don't have to feel guilty about seeing that my needs are met."
2. Resentment leads to burn out. Carolyn pointed this out specifically, noting that if you want to go out to dinner with your girlfriends every week at 6 p.m. and you start missing this special friend time because of work, you are going to start hating your work (and possibly lose valuable friendships in the process!). Don't let yourself become resentful. In Mistake 52 of Frankel's book titled "Putting Work Ahead of Your Social Life," she writes "You owe the company an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. You owe the company a reasonable amount of overtime (with or without pay, but always without complaint). You don't owe the company your soul." When all is said and done, do you really want written on your tombstone: "She always put the needs of her company ahead of her own"? My guess is that you would like something a little more well-rounded than that. At the end of the day ask yourself, what do you want written on your tombstone?
3. Don't Apologize. For being too busy to take on another task, for having "mom" duties, for missing a rescheduled baseball game your son is playing in because you have an important work event. No matter the circumstances, don't apologize for living your life and achieving balance. Carolyn spoke about how she has learned to, over time, set and communicate boundaries with those around her. She has a time for work and a time for her husband and a time for her kids. Obviously, things come up and spontaneity is inevitable, but having regular boundaries that you and others can hold yourself accountable to will keep you sane and keep your relationships thriving.
xx
Mackenzie
