What Would Jill Do?

Today marks a sad day in the hearts of family members, friends and the Asheville community—but it is also a day to remember and celebrate the life of a woman unforgettable by all she touched.

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Jill Rowe Abernethy was a mother of four children, a wife of 23 years to her college sweetheart, a middle sister of two siblings and a friend to every person she knew. Her friends and family describe her as the most graceful, humorous and strong person they have ever known—even more, she empowered others to feel the same way about themselves.

“If you were with her, you were the most important person ever,” said Katherine Brooks, longtime friend of Abernethy’s. “In any conversation you had you would catch yourself referring to Jill as “my Jill,” because she made you feel as if she was yours and you were hers.

Abernethy’s contagious positivity and ability to see the light in any situation was what allowed her to surmount the insurmountable daily. Her sister, Julie Williams, described Abernethy’s empowerment through her optimism and ability to power through situations where most would crumble.

“Jill had a shiny filter that put a beautiful spin on everything and kept the rest of us from falling apart. She was the one battling cancer but she never let it define her—She wanted life to come first. She focused 100% on living and saw each day as a precious gift.”

Williams said that although their family was already tight-knit, Abernethy’s illness took out any obstacles and allowed the family to become even closer. If there was an opportunity to get together, they did it without question. Williams said losing her sister has been the most horrific thing to her family and friends, but the gift she left behind was a family sustained by her love, strength and optimism.

“It sounds a little saint-like how I am describing her,” said Williams, “but honest to God that’s what she was. That’s why people are still thinking about her and talking about her on a daily basis.”

Despite her eight and a half year long battle with breast cancer and weekly treatment sessions that came with it, Abernethy continued to throw herself into being a full-time mom, wife, sister, friend and community member. She was an elder at her church, volunteered for school field trips, met once a week with a friend cook every recipe in the Julia Child’s cookbook, participated in a book club, picked up random gifts for specific friends in mind—the list goes on. Anyone who knew her could account for this—no one left her house without taking home a souvenir or leftovers from the Abernethy household.

Abernethy’s faith in God stayed strong throughout her battle with cancer—something her family and friends attribute to her peaceful attitude. Her sister, Julie, remembered taking a walk with Abernethy and asking her if the battle made her question her faith. Without hesitation, she responded, “I never felt like I was promised the perfect life, but I know I have been promised never to be alone on this journey.”

Her husband, Bill Abernethy, said his wife could have easily gotten bitter with the disease or tried to find a deeper meaning. Instead, she was in denial but in a healthy way—she didn’t wear her cancer on her sleeve.

“Jill lived her life with such grace and courage,” said Bill, “that was always so inspiring to be around. That hasn’t faded at all for me.”

Although one of the hardest things for friends and family is resisting the urge to pick up the phone and call her when they want to have their spirits lifted, her wisdom and advice resonates still today. Her oldest daughter, Carson, said that she still asks herself the question “Why be sad when you can be happy?” whenever she feels low—something Abernethy empowered her to remember daily.

Her family and friends are inspired to pick up where she left off, to continue the good she brought to the world and stay motivated for that reason. Living by the phrase, “What Would Jill Do?” they find themselves able to continue her legacy and bring joy to the world—just as Abernethy so gracefully did.